By far the hardest part about growth. If it is easy to say no then chances are you are selfish and this article is not for you. We were taught at a very early age to share, but not to say no, and being selfish is bad, but is it???
Confession: I have been jealous of selfish people in the past! All until I learned to become selfish…to take care of MYSELF first! I had to learned I was taught the one-sided definition of selfish. I had to learn that one can not ask something of me selfishly, then call me selfish when I say no. It just does not work that way!
You have to put yourself first. Mind you, if everyone is selfish in every aspect then how will we have healthy relationships? At some point you have to extend yourself for the sake of being selfless for the ones you care about! Please do not mistake that for this! You have to balance your needs and mental health while being there. Absence is not all good either, unless you plan on being alone. You have to discern who is really there just to take, and then take some more. Some people are there just to drain you and they may not even know it and it is your job to say….NO! When it comes to family or long term friends, it is not always intentional which is why this becomes really difficult.
No I can’t babysit. No I can’t lend you any money right now. No I can’t take you to the store. And NO you do not owe an explanation! I have definitely fallen victim to the latter. And when others tell you no then realize they are prioritizing their life, and it’s not right to make my poor planning their emergency! They would if they had it and I should plan better next time. It is no ones responsibility to bail me out of my messes except my own!
This is definitely a sensitive subject and deserves some practice. Practice saying no today in a healthy way and see how better you feel without the weight of some other issues, even if it is as simple as you relaxing after work for a few more minutes because you demanded some time alone.